Unemployment Jokes / Recent Jokes

For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment. They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population. Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.

The laid-off worker said he will file for unemployment.

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.
She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.
Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.
When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.
The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."
Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.
"I sew the elastic on...
He pulls on it and says,... "Yep, diesel fitter".

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven."I sew the elastic on...He pulls on it and says,... "Yep, diesel fitter".

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy. Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large more...

Two men walk into their local unemployment office after both being laid-off. The first man approaches the counter and is greeted by a friendly staff member.
"I'd like to collect unemployment payments please" he says."Not a problem sir," the teller asks "What was your last profession?""I made panty hose" he responds."Ok, the staffer says, "your check will be $300. Next!"The first man steps away from the counter eyeing his check. His friend steps up, "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please""Alright sir," the teller asks " and what was your last profession?""Diesel Fitter" he remarks."Right, that's a specialty occupation, your check will be $800"The first man overhears this and jumps in, "Hey! How come I get 300 stinkin' bucks and he gets 800"The teller say professionally "Sir, this man had a special skill""Special Skill my ass! I sew the two more...

Newly arrived in the U. S., immigrants Mario and Luigi go to the urban unemployment office.
"What line of work are you in?" the agent asks Mario.
"I pilot," replies Mario.
"I'm sure I can find a place for you," says the efficient woman, handing him an application to fill out. Then she turns to Luigi, "And what kind of work do you do?"
"I lumberjack," he answers.
"Hmmmmm. .. I'm afraid we don't have any openings for lumberjacks."
Suddenly Mario looks up. "Hey, you must be crazy, lady!"
The agent is taken aback. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, if he no cut it, how you expect me to pile it?"