Union Jokes / Recent Jokes

A union leader was addressing the workers at a union meeting…
"I am pleased to announce that we have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled.
"We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled again.
We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM."
"Hooray!"
"We have a 110% pay increase."
"Hooray!"
"We will only work on Tuesdays."
Suddenly, the crowd fell silent, until a voice from the back asked, "Every Tuesday?"

A union shop steward was addressing the workers at a union meeting...
"I am pleased to advise all of you that we have agreed on a new deal with the management. We will no longer work four days a week."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled.
"We will finish work at 4 PM, not 5 PM."
"Hooray!" the crowd yelled again.
We will start work at 10 AM, not 9 AM."
"Hooray!"
"We have a 110% pay increase."
"Hooray!"
"We will only work on Tuesdays."
Suddenly, the crowd fell silent, until a voice from the back asked, "Every Tuesday?"

A dedicated union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby. When he got to the first one, he asked the madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the madame responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a union house."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the UPS man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive more...

12: 00 High noon, and tensions are high as well. Management is hiding inside the depot, so to set an example for the world and save face we will have to beat one of our own union members into a bloody pulp with a baseball bat. Volunteers are requested.

12: 01 No one volunteers. Morale seems low. This could be a long strike.

12: 02 We randomly select one union member to "volunteer." In what is surely a meaningless coincidence, this turns out to be the smallest, stupidest and most fragile worker there.

12: 03 The plan is stymied when our "volunteer" runs away with our only baseball bat. Recreational events for the weekend will have to be cancelled....

13: 00 After only one hour, I am already bored and frozen, stiff being the appropriate adjective in each case.

14: 12 Newspapers (the Province), books (Plato`s Republic) and radios (CKNW talkshows) are abandoned when one of our union brothers reveals his former more...

Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222.02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 6.11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12.22 4.44 1.11 1.16 1.61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2.22 1.11 1.98 3.93 0.98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0.69 8.32 3.46 3.46 5.00NO PARKING FEE F.I.C.A. T.G.I.F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 16.23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2.50 0.25 3.41 4.50 4.33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0.11 6.85 66.51 3.06 16.85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4.32 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 8.00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7.00 6.00 4.44 12.21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10.02 16.54 38.23 51.42 46.83MISC169.24TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.
YOUR OWN DEATH: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own more...

When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failedexperiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was ademagogue. When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evilempire, I knew he was a dangerous kook. When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War byescalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclearannihilation. When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiatedits past, I knew it was all Gorbachevs genius, and that fool Reaganhad nothing to do with it. Because if that fool Reagan was right all along...... what kind of fool am I?