Union Jokes / Recent Jokes
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-abuse-survivor gave to me:
Twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
Eleven pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...);
Ten melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping;
Nine persons engaged in rythmic self-expression,
Eight economically disadvantaged but still virginal Gyno-Americans stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine-Americans;
Seven endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands;
Six enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products;
Five golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration;
(Note: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to more...
The supervisor for the Union Of Road Construction Workers called the meeting to order.
"Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the state. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!"
"HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered.
"We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared.
"We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!"
"HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered.
"And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!"
Silence.
A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
Understanding Your PaycheckGROSS PAY: $1222. 02INCOME TAX OUTGO TAX STATE TAX INTERSTATE TAX COUNTY TAX 244. 40 45. 21 61. 10 5. 89 6. 11CITY TAX RURAL TAX BACK TAX FRONT TAX SIDE TAX 12. 22 4. 44 1. 11 1. 16 1. 61UP TAX DOWN TAX KNICKNACK TAX HACKENSAC TAX THUMBTAX 2. 22 1. 11 1. 98 3. 93 0. 98CARPET TAX SNACK TAX SURTAX MA'AM TAX PARKING FEE 0. 69 8. 32 3. 46 3. 46 5. 00NO PARKING FEE F. I. C. A. T. G. I. F. LIFE INS. HEALTH INS. 10. 00 81. 88 9. 95 5. 85 16. 23DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS. LIABILITY INS. DENTAL INS. MENTAL INS. 2. 50 0. 25 3. 41 4. 50 4. 33FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE COFEE CUPS CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL 0. 11 6. 85 66. 51 3. 06 16. 85CHAIR RENTAL DESK RENTAL UNION DUES UNION DON'TS CASH ADVANCES 4. 32 4. 32 5. 85 3. 77 0. 69CASH RETREATS OVERTIME UNDERTIME EASTERN TIME CENTRAL TIME 121. 35 1. 26 54. 83 9. 00 8. 00MOUNTAIN TIME PACIFIC TIME DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME TIME OUT 7. 00 6. 00 4. 44 12. 21OXYGEN WATER ELECTRICITY HEAT AIR CONDITIONING 10. 02 16. 54 38. 23 51. 42 more...
This is a true story: I saw this happen in the student union at my
University.
Mother and 3-year old daughter heading toward the exit of
the student union.
Mom: Okay, time to go.
Child: No!
Mom: We have to go now, honey.
Child: No! I wanted to go to the...
Mom: We did go, honey, and now we're going home.
Child: No! No! [Tears starting to fall...]
Mom: We did go to the art show, honey...
Child: No! No! I wanted to go... [full-fledged tantrum
under way now...]
Mom: We did go to the art show sweetheart, it was just a
different kind of art than what you were expecting...
Child: No!!! I wanted to see the art show... [screaming,
wailing, crying....]
Mom: We did see it honey, it's just not the kind of art you
are used to...
Child: NOOOO!!!
There's no accounting for taste.
Attending a union convention in Las Vegas a union lighting man decides to visit a bordello. He goes into the first place, the ladies are lovely, and he asks the Madam, "Is this a union establishment?"
"Why, no, it isn't," the Madam replies.
"Well," the Union Man asks, "what percentage of the take goes to the girl?"
"We split the money, 20 percent to the girl and 80 percent to the house."
Feeling that wasn't a fair split the man left and went to another establishment. Again he asked the same questions and received a similar response. Although not a union house the split rate at this one was 30 percent to the girl and 70 percent to the house.
He continued his trek for some time until, finally, he came upon a Union House. "That's wonderful," he says to the Madam, "and what's the split?"
"We give 80 percent to the girl and keep just 20 percent for more...
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with the yuppies.
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war... could you help me?" "Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years. The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight. Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,"Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability!"