Union Jokes / Recent Jokes

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator."Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, “I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe. ”
The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies “But I don’t have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it’s urgent! I’ll do anything to get a message to her. ”
The clerk replies “Anything? ”
“Yes… ANYTHING! ” replies the blonde.
He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants. ”
She does. “Take it out”, says the clerk. ”
She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says “Well… go ahead and do it…”
She brings her lips close to it and shouts “Hello? … Mom? ”

Gross pay: $1222. 02Income Tax244. 40 Outgo Tax45. 21 State Tax61. 10 Interstate Tax5. 89 County Tax6. 11 City Tax12. 22 Rual Tax4. 44 Back Tax1. 11 Front Tax1. 16 Side tax1. 61 Up Tax2. 22 Down Tax1. 11 Knickknack Tax1. 98 Hackensack Tax3. 93 Thumbtax0. 98 Carpet Tax0. 69 Snack Tax8. 32 Surtax3. 46 Ma'am Tax3. 46 Parking Fee5. 00 No Parking Fee10. 00 F. I. C. A. 81. 88 T. G. I. F9. 95 Life Ins. 5. 85 Health Ins. 16. 23 Disability Ins. 2. 50 Ability Ins. 0. 25 Liability Ins. 3. 41 Dental Ins. 4. 50 Mental Ins. 4. 33 Fundamental Ins. 0. 11 Coffee 6. 85 Coffee Cups66. 51 Calendar Rental3. 06 Floor Rental16. 85 Chair Rental4. 32 Desk Rental4. 32 Union Dues5. 85 Union Don'ts 3. 77 Cash Advances0. 69 Cash Retreats121. 35 Overtime 1. 26 Undertime54. 83 Eastern Time 9. 00 Central Time8. 00 Mountain Time7. 00 Pacific Time6. 00 Daylight Savings Time. 4. 44 Time Out12. 21 Oxygen 10. 22 Water16. 54 Electricity38. 23 Heat51. 42 Air Conditioning46. 83 Misc. 169. 24 Total Take Home Pay = $0000. more...

How many union guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Fifteen. You got a problem with that?

Q: What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union?
A: Every man for himself!

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened more...

When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was a failedexperiment headed for the ash heap of history, I knew he was ademagogue. When that fool Reagan said that the Soviet Union was an evilempire, I knew he was a dangerous kook. When that fool Reagan said that we could end the Cold War byescalating the arms race, I knew the odds favored nuclearannihilation. When the Soviet Union went broke, dissolved, and repudiatedits past, I knew it was all Gorbachev's genius, and that fool Reaganhad nothing to do with it. Because if that fool Reagan was right all along... what kind of fool am I? -Jules Feiffer