Union Jokes / Recent Jokes
A German shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out ablank form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof... woof." The clerk examined the paper and told the dog, "There areonly nine words here. You could send another' woof' for thesame price." The dog replied "What, and ruin the punchline?!"
THE STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS.... THAT PRESIDENT CLINTON SHOULD HAVE GIVEN "Members of Congress... People of America.... I banged her. I banged her like a cheap gong. Which is not news, folks, because if you think Monica Lewinsky was the only skin flute player in my orchestra, you haven't been paying attention. The only babes in D. C. I haven't tried to do are the First Lady, Reno, Albright, and Shalala, mostly because they're a little older than I like and they have legs that former Houston Oiler Earl Campbell would envy, which isn't to say I don't appreciate Hillary... I do. If not for the ice-water coursing through her veins, I'd be pumping gas into farm equipment in Hope, Arkansas, and she'd be married to the President. So, let me set the record straight. I dodged the draft, hid FBI files, smoked dope, flipped Whitewater property, set up a new Korean wing in the White House, fired the travel staff, paid hush money to Hubbell, sold the Lincoln bedroom like an upscale Motel 6, more...
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator." Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter
festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous
relationship gave to me
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual
drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called
for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to
play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the
patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal
products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned more...
An Irish Setter went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely informed the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"But, sir," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war... could you help me?"
"Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.
The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.
Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,
"Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability!"
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war... could you help me?""Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.When Jesus turned to the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively,"Don't touch me! I'm on long-term disability!"