University Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young physicist, upon learning that he was denied tenure after six productive years at a University in San Francisco, requested a meeting with the Provost for an explanation, and a possible appeal.
At the meeting, the Provost told the young physicist, "I'm sorry to tell you that the needs of the University have shifted somewhat, during the past six-years leading up to your tenure decision. In point of fact, what we now require is a female, condensed-matter experimentalist. Unfortunately, you are a male, high-energy theorist!"
Dejected but not defeated, the young physicist thought for a moment about the implications of the Provost's words. "Sir," he said, "I would be willing to convert in two of the three categories you mention, but. .. I'll never agree to become an experimentalist!"
A man is visiting an old friend when a little girl races through the room.
"Diploma," the friend calls after her, "bring us two cups of coffee."
"Diploma? What an odd name," says the visitor. "How did she get it?"
The friend sighs. "I sent my daughter to study at the university in Lisbon, and that's what she came back with."
Gujarat Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0. 0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and more...
The University of Duquense was rocked this week by the incident that occurred on campus involving six players of the men's basketball team.
While at a party five out of the six athletes that brought guns were injured, or worse injured others.
The Men's basketball coach was appalled by the events but offered a ray of hope. "So you're saying that my guys shot 5 of 6? That's 83%!!"
The university is also second guessing the team logo.
1 wo farmers were discussing their sons' progress in the big city university. Ezra said, "I don't rightly understand them degrees the boys are workin' fer. Do you, Cy?"
"Reckon so," replied Cy, modestly. "First one they get is called a B. S. And you know what that means."
Being a man of the world, Ezra knew.
Cy went on: "Well, sir, they work a little harder and they get this here M. S. That means More of the Same."
Ezra nodded.
"Then comes the hard part. They study night and day, put in years of readin', write all kinds of papers and then, if they're lucky, they get the highest one of' em all. The Ph. D."
"And what does that stand fer?" asked Ezra.
"Piled Higher and Deeper."
The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.
So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.
The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.
They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos - after all, they now had their own department at the university.
So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department, which sports the saying: "I Belong in B.E.D."
The Dean of Women at a large Midwestern university recently began a speech to the student body with these memorable words: "The president of the university and I have decided to stop petting on campus."