University Jokes / Recent Jokes
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back of the herd that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole herd is maintained or even improved by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass.
Recent emiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of spirits helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job-related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of completing university studies more...
THIS is a true story of a correspondence which went awry because of a typing error. The stenographer working in the physics department of the university applied for one month's leave. The head of the department agreed, and asked him to type out an application to the registrar asking for a substitute. Instead of using the word substitute, the steno put in the word prostitute. The boss signed the letter without reading it.
The registrar, who had scores to settle with the head of the department of physics, "decided to cash in on the error. He wrote back: "Please refer to your letter Do... dated... The commodity asked for by you is not readily available in the store of the University. You are advised to procure it from the market and forward the bill to the Administrative Officer."
Another clerk applying for leave sent the following to his boss: "My wife is unwell. As I am the only husband in the house, kindly grant me leave for the day."
These are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye." New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:"I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first." And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too." Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair more...
Once Student leaders of all universities ( they call it ANTHER VISHWA VIDYALA SHISHYA BALAMANDALAYA) organized a meeting at the Public library auditorium, at Town hall. I went to the library on the same day for something else and saw this.
For my curiosity I went inside. Within minutes Cops came and surrounded the building. I was blaming to my self, but nothing to do wait inside. So one cop came inside, checking the IDs and its goes like this..
Which university are you from? Some said Peradeniya.. He said you all can go. Agin he said, Which university are you from?? They said Moratuwa. He said go; And some said, Colombo, he said, Go.., Kelaniya, he Said Go. So students mention all da universities in the country and he said go!
I got so curious Talked to da cop "Ralami are you looking for a particular university?" He said Yes I'm looking for a students from INTER UNIVERSITY ( ANTHER WISHA VIDYALAYA) They are the ones who does all theses things.
I said more...
In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80, 000. 00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the study was published, the University of South Carolina decided to do their own study. After $250, 000. 00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75. 46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.
How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning? By opening the car door.
Did you hear about the University of Miami fullback who stayed up all night studying for his urine test?