Unsuccessful Jokes

Dear Sir,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years and having seven children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless. After getting married, I was told to use the "Rhythm Method" but, despite trying the Tango and the Samba my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha Cha, apart from which, where do you get a band at five o'clock in the morning?
A doctor suggested we use the "Safe Period". At the time we were living with the in laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period when the house was empty needless to say this didn't work. A lady of several years' experience informed us that if we made love whilst breast feeding we would be alright. It's hardly Newcastle Brown Ale, b ut I did finish up with a clear skin, silky hair and the wife pregnant. Another old wives' tale was that if my wife jumped up and down after intercourse more...