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And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say that I am?"And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, divine, sacerdotal monarch."And Jesus said, "What?"

For those of you that might not have heard the REAL story of Christmas, enjoy!
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, everyone into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should deliver. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and more...

The following are letters from children to GOD.

In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane
I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
-Anita
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother.
-Darla
Thank you for the more...

Thank you for calling “Heaven’s Gates” – your multi-church, multi-denominational hotline.
If you are a Methodist, please press "1" and your call will be transferred to the nearest potluck.
Catholics, please go to the altar and have the priest press "2" for you.
If you are Pentecostal, press "3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-Hallelujah!" and throw the phone onto the ground
Presbyterians, please form a committee. If there’s a quorum present and a 2/3 majority vote in favor of the motion, please press 4.
Lutherans, please press whatever number you wish, because, after all, you are the ONLY ones who use this line.
For the Amish, please walk to the nearest Mennonite and have them press "5".
Jehovah's Witnesses, please consult the secondary manual then press "5-6-6-2-5" – or “K-N-O-C-K” before 9pm.
If you are Jewish, and it is not a holiday, please press "7"
If you are Jewish, and more...

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have? -Billy

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Love Mickey

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane

Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. -Love, Alison

Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the more...