Unusual Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this man who was in a horrible accident, and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both of his ears. As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was very self-conscious about his having no ears. Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he decided with all this money he had, he now had the means to own a business. So he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The first interview went really well. He really liked this guy. His last question for this first candidate was "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have no ears." The man got really upset and threw more...

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event
that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay.
It began: "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teaher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

In recent months, we have heard the Japanese call the US workers lazy, greedy and illiterate. Those are fighting words to us, even if they may be true. The question is what to do about it. My basketball coach always told me to exploit the weakness of the opposition by using what (questionable) strengths I had. I think the US should do exactly that with Japan. The Japanese are world leaders in quality of goods and decades ahead of us in electronics like High Definition Television (HDTV). We will never be able to compete with them in these areas, so we must redefine the competition. I propose that the FCC mandate a new form of Television called Low Emission and Definition Television (LEAD-TV). Such TV sets would have lots of static interference, horrible resolution, be expensive, break very often, and would be hard and frustrating to watch. Exactly the type of TV sets that American industry and workers are already geared to produce! The Japanese, on the other hand, could not produce more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, I subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure:

A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell.
Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds -- even pigeons -- avoided this potential source of substance.
Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess."

Radiation

A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes -- the
approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 more...

Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.
"He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner.
The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.
"He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body.
"Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he more...

It's certainly a sad sign of the times when international terrorism spoils the Christmas pudding. Security scanners this Christmas season at a major British airport have been fooled by hundreds of Christmas puddings, which they cannot tell from Semtex plastic explosive.
Travelers heading off for the holidays from Manchester airport in northern England had packed the traditional fare in their luggage. But, according to Reuters news reports, the $23 million baggage security system was unable to differentiate between the explosive of choice of the international terrorist and a plum pudding, forcing security officials to examine hundreds of bags.
Airport chiefs insisted that the sophisticated security system was not malfunctioning. "It is designed to detect organic matter, and Christmas puddings have unusual density, which alerts the system," an airport spokesman said.
The story would be amusing were it not such a sad commentary on the state of peace on Earth and more...

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same."Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate."Yes. You have no ears." He quickly eliminated the first candidate."Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate."Yes. You have no ears." He quickly eliminated the second candidate."Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate."Yes. more...