Unusual Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
So he asked the centipede in the box, Would you like to go to Frank's with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?
But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few more minutes, thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time, putting his face up against the centipede's little house he shouted, HEY, IN THERE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK'S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH more...

A man was injured in a serious accident but, fortunately, the only permanent damage he suffered was the amputation of both ears. Due to this unusual handicap, he was very self-conscious about his appearance.
As a result of the accident, he received a large sum of money from the insurance company and decided to fulfill his dream of owning his own business. He went out and purchased a rather small, but expanding, computer firm. Soon realizing that he had no business knowledge at all and knew nothing about running such a business, he quickly set out to hire someone who could run it for him.
He picked out three top candidates and proceeded to interview them. The first interview went very well. The candidate appeared to know everything needed and had a pleasant personality. At the end of the interview, the man with no ears asked him, "Do you notice anything unusual about me?" "Well, yeah," the candidate answered, "you don't have any ears."
This more...

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big
smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show
them what's happened.
A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.
"Englishman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress.
Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says the Coroner.
The DI is taken to the second dead man. "Scotsman, 25, won a
thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of
alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
" Nothing unusual here", thinks the DI, and asks to be shown
the last body. "Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector. To which the coroner
replies: "Thought he was having his picture taken,".

Little Johnny had an ear infection, so his mother took him to the pediatrician.
The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner.
When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear.
Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother, who put it in her purse without looking at it.
A short while later, as the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have.
Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled, until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

Unusual Case by William A. Morton, Jr, MD
From "Medical Aspects Of Human Sexuality" July, 1991 p. 15
Scrotum Self-Repair
One morning, I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red skin and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear more...

Have you an unusual Intelligence? Do you find you lose interest in supposedly "Interesting movies"? It could be that you're one of the 5% of the population that has the mental capacity of a steaming turd! If so, you may want to join MUNSA - Mentally Unemployed and Noticeably Stupid Association.Try the questionnaire below. The results could surprise you! If you can't even read the question, you're halfway there already - just get someone to fill out our full colour brochure at any trailing chemist, and you'll be in for some, good old fashioned non-challenging material.1. Which of the following WAS one of the famous Marx Brothers? a. STRETCH
b. SKID
c. HARPO
d. TYRE2. The number missing from the series (1,2,4,..,16) is:a. YELLOW
b. GERANIUM
c. 8
d. TYRE3. The letter missing from the series (a, b, c,.., e) is:a. z
b. b
c. d
d. TYRE4. A man walks into a Barber Shop, with $5.00. He buys 2 lemons at 45c each, 1 Pickled Eel for $2.40, 4 packets more...

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure
A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie’s surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised “creaminess”

Radiation
A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began to emit the more...