Upgraded Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer. Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0: 1. A "Don't remind me again" button. 2. Minimize button. 3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects). I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put more...

Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology:
NEW: Different colors from previous version.
ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.
ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.
NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.
BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.
UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.
UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.

Subject: Girlfriend 1.0
Dear Technical Support:
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I have been having some problems lately.
I have been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I have tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off.
I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn t have enough cache to run more...

Glossary Terms-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-Software Engineering Glossary of Product TerminologyNEW: Different colors from previous version.ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.The Dumpty Dictionary, Version 2.0