Upset Jokes / Recent Jokes

The wife says: You want
The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need
The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision
The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want
The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk
The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead
The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'n not upset
The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're. .. so manly
The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights
The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient
The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains.
The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife more...

HER SIDE OF THE STORY:

He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him, and he just put his arm around me! I didn't know what the hell that meant because, you know, he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he more...

For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or more...

An elderly lady was stopped, waiting to pull into a parking space
when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and
parked in the space she was waiting for.

The sweet little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man
and said, "I was going to park there you rude man!"

The man was a real smart aleck and he said, "That's what you can
do when you're young and bright."

Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car
and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and smashed right
into his Mercedes, trashing the front end.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that
for you crazy old woman"

The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do
when you're old and rich!"

For those of you who don't already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.1. The female always makes the rules.2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.3. No male can possibly know all the rules.4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.5. The female is never wrong.6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know more...

WOMEN S LANGUAGE TRANSLATEDYes = NoNo = YesMaybe = NoI m sorry. = You ll be sorry.We need... = I wantIt s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don t want you to.I m not upset = Of course I m upset, you moron! You re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains =...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you re really not going to like.I ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.Am I fat? = Tell me I m more...

* The female always make the rules.
* The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
* No male can possibly know all the rules.
* If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
* The female is never wrong.
* If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
* The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
* The female may change her mind at any time.
* The male must never change his mind without the express written concent of the female.
* The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
* The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.
* The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
* The male is expected to mind read at all more...