Upset Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
Does my bum look big in this? = Tell me
I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this
later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you
moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late,
you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just
agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have
flabby thighs
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and
you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for
something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision
should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is
sex all you ever think
about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your
shoes and find a good
game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something
today that more...

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

HER SIDE OF THE STORY My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised but he didn't say anything about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to someplace intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn't really sure. In the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn't say it back more...

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're. .. so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do more...

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish.............................. 49
Adventurous..................... Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................ No boobs
Average looking................. Ugly
Beautiful........................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................ Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure.............. On medication
Feminist............................ Fat
Free spirit.......................... Junkie
Friendship first................... Former slut
Fun.................................. Annoying
Gentle.............................. Dull
New Age........................... Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded..................... Desperate
Outgoing........................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................ Sloppy drunk
Poet................................. Depressive
Professional....................... more...

A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed off I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.

The man swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!" The bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"

So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighbourhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."

"Well, the woman says,' Oh my god, more...

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in
his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting
for.
The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I
was going to park there!"
The man was a real smart ass and he said, "That's what you can do when
you're young and bright."
Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed
it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're
old and rich!"