Urine Jokes / Recent Jokes

It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine." He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. "Diabetes," he said, "is a Greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic..."By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample more...

It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine."He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. "Diabetes," he said, "is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic..."By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample more...

A man said to his friends one night down the pub, "My elbow's really starting to hurt me. I'm going to see my doctor tomorrow." "Don't do that mate! There's this computer at the chemists that can diagnose anything faster than a doctor. Just put in a piss sample and it'll diagnose the problem and tell you the treatment. It only costs a fiver." So the next morning he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the chemists. He found the computer, poured in the sample, and deposited the 5. The computer started making some noises and lights started flashing on it. Then, after a brief pause and a pinging sound a slip of paper popped out on which was printed his diagnosis: "You've got tennis elbow, soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy lifting. It'll be better in two weeks." Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed more...

A man with stomach trouble wanted to try the newly introduced automated diagnosis machine at the shopping centre. He inserted his credit card an a urine sample as instructed, waited 30 seconds and then read the printout: "You have a tennis elbow".
The man was impressed, but at the same time annoyed as his arms were perfectly alright. He decided really to put the machine to the test, so he went home and collected urine samples from his wife and his cat, and for good measure added the contents of a used condom.
He returned to the machine, inserted his credit card and the combined sample.
After 30 seconds the printout read: "Your cat is going to have kittens, your wife is perfectly healthy, but you should quit masturbating when you have a tennis elbow."

Rupaben was sitting in the doctor's office when he came in and said, "Rupaben, this isn't a urine sample you brought in. It's apple juice."

"Oh my god" Rupaben said, "I've got to get to a phone."

"Why?" asked the doctor.

"I may have packed the other bottle in my Kanjibhai's lunchbox."

Q: What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
A: The taste.

President Bush wakes up one morning, looks out of the White House window and sees "The President Sucks" written in the snow in urine. Furious, he calls in the FBI and demands the perpetrators be found. Later that day the FBI agents return.
"Well sir," says the first agent, "the urine has been analysed and it's the Vice President's". Bush goes purple with rage and shouts, "Is that all?"
"Well no sir," says the agent, "It's the First Lady's handwriting."