Use Jokes / Recent Jokes
Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use. Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one weve got or dont use any at all.
If you have a lot of chops and use them. . you play too many notes
If you don't have a lot of chops. . you don't play enough notes
If you're a high energy player. . you don't play with enough feeling
If you play with lots of feeling you're too sappy
If you like a fat round sound.. your sound is too fat
If you thin out your sound.. you're sound is too thin
If you play a lot of chordal solo's.. why does he play so many chords?
If you chord work is sparce.. he doesn't play enough chords.
If you use heavy strings.. why does he use such heavy strings?
1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should never generalize. 10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 13. Be more or less specific. 14. Understatement is always best. 15. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 17. The passive voice is to be avoided. 18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 20. Who needs rhetorical questions? 21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse more...
If you use lighter strings.. he should use heavier strings to sound better
If you sit and play.. why doesn't he stand?
If you stand why doesn't he sit?
If you smile.. what's wrong with him?
If you don't smile.. what's wrong with him?
If you play two measures in octaves.. Wes was a big influence
If you play more than two measures in octaves.. you sound just like Wes
If you like to play "out" what's he doing, can he really play?
If you play " inside". Yeah! But can he really play?
If you play an Archtop. . why does he need such a big guitar
If you play a solid-body that's not a jazz guitar
What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality.
Next time you think your hotel bill is too high... you might want to use this mans logic.
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.
They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic- sized pool and a huge conference center that were
available for the husband and wife to use.
"But we didn't use them", the man more...