Used Jokes / Recent Jokes
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint more...
Ya've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
Ya've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
Ya've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
Ya've ever hollered "Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano recital
Ya've ever stabbed the back of someone's hand while they were reaching for the last piece of chicken.
Ya've ever stolen toilet paper.
Ya've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
Ya've ever used lard in bed.
Ya've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Ya've ever yelled "squeal like a piggy" when making love.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
Your dog has ever brought home something that ya cooked for dinner.
Your dog passes gas and ya claim it.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
Your high more...
You might be a redneck if...
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: Panadol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.
The second pupil said: Piriton
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: Viagra
Johnny. What is it used for?
I think it can be used for diarrhoea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father' take a Viagra, may be that little shit will get harder'.
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix' bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - more...