Usual Jokes / Recent Jokes

I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "Another year older", but decided to make the best of it.
So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say Happy Birthday, dear.
All smiles, I went into breakfast and there sat my wife reading the newspaper as usual. She didn't say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee and thought to myself, oh well, she just forgot.
The kids will be in in a few minutes all cheery and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me. There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited.
Finally the kids came running in yelling, "Give me a slice of toast", "I'm late", "Where is my coat", and "I'm going to miss the bus". Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.
When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a smile and a "Happy Birthday, Boss" more...

Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.

The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?" His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before.

"No, no. He's just one of the guys I bowl with."
They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!"

"No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball."
Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?" His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Roger follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the more...

One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and started to masturbate. She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor. He glanced through the mail and said to his wife, "Honey, when you're finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?"

Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball. One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club (work with me here).

The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?"

His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I bowl with."

They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger. A gin and tonic as usual?"

His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!"

"No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball."

Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?"

His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar.

Roger more...

Once a couple had one of their usual quarrels as a consequence of which all conversation between them stopped. Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning. So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife's pillow. His wife read it and went to sleep. He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper. On it was written, "Please wake up, it is 6 o'clock now."

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered andshaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a bigkiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, andthere sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. SoI got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and theywill sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoyingmy coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going tomiss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smileand a more...

If I refuse to go to bed with you," she whispered, "will you really commit suicide?"
"That," he said grandly, "has been my usual procedure."