Utah Jokes / Recent Jokes
REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In order to calm growing impatience among PC users concerning the repeated delays of its new Windows 95 operating system, Microsoft Corporation announced what it calls the "Cool User Program for Windows 95." To participate in this offer, a user pays US$10, 000 at which time he or she will be placed in a cryogenic suspension. The user will then remain in a state of hibernation until about a week before the Windows 95 ship date.
"We expect that the users will need a few days to recuperate and acquaint themselves with the changes that will occur in society between the onset of cold sleep and the release of Windows 95," explained a Microsoft spokesman. These may include "the OJ Simpson trial ending, another momentous Congressional election, faster-than-light travel and possible leaps in human evolution."
Because Microsoft expects a large response to this offer, a vast area will be needed for the storage facility. "We have more...
In Utah, the following laws are on the books:
1) Birds have the rightaway on all highways.
2)It's legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
3) In Tremonton, it is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance.If you are caught doing so the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper.
4) In Trout Creek, pharmacists may not sell gunpowder to cure headaches.
(16 July 1999, Utah)
A paraglider from Riverton turned into a parasailor, and dropped into the Murdoch Canal near Lehi in Utah County on Monday evening.
Craig's parachute filled with water, and he was unable to escape as he was dragged towards a siphon on the east side of the canal, sucked under the I-15 freeway, and eventually pinned against a grate 400 feet downstream.
An employee for the Provo Water Users Association found his body. Who knew that one of the dangers of paragliding is drowning?
...utah is a weird state...some bars dont even serve alcohol...they call those "dry counties"...you bring your own...and for entertainment, they had a dry t-shirt contest.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Utah.
Utah who?
Utah-old me to knock! Knock Knock
Who's there?
Utah!
Utah who?
Utah sthe road and I'll mend the fence!
Farmington Utah was expecting a large turnout. 2 people showed up. Health Director Lewis Garrett is taking it as a sign of general support of the proposal.
I am taking his response as a sign Lewis Garrett is a moron.
Former Utah Jazz center Robert Whaley has been arrested after police discovered drugs between his buttocks. That's right – police found crack in his butt.