Vacation Jokes / Recent Jokes

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different!
The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Ellie May got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Ellie May got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Ellie May
didn't get pregnant again."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Ellie May with me."

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm' bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.
THREE YEARS AGO, YOU SAID TO GO TO HAWAII. I WENT TO HAWAII AND EARLENE GOT PREGNANT.
THEN TWO YEARS AGO, YOU TOLD ME TO GO TO THE BAHAMAS, AND EARLENE GOT PREGNANT AGAIN.
LAST YEAR, YOU SUGGESTED TAHITI AND DARNED IF SHE DIDN'T GET PREGNANT AGAIN!"

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "THIS YEAR SHE'S GOIN' WITH ME!!"

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again." Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me!"

Q: What does the postcard from a blonde's vacation say? A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

A young woman was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

Young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted to > > take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way.... but was > > very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for > > the highly prized shoes. > > > > After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of > > one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just > > go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a > > decent price!" > > > > The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, ya'll just > go and give it a try, why don'cha!" > > The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator. Later in the day, as the shop- keeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky swamp water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator more...

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes you think.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Not date any of the Baywatch cast.
7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
11. Not have eight children at once.
12. Get in a whole NEW rut!
13. Start being superstitious.
14. Personal goal: bring back disco.
15. Not wrestle with Jesse Ventura.
16. Not bet against more...