Vacuum Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.
"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.
The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!! Otherwise you will be eating s**t!!!!!

Lights not burning too bright.
Like a barometer - vacuum at the top.
Like a loose-leaf folder in winter.
Like a one-armed man climbing a rope.
Likes dunking for french fries.
Little red choo-choo’s gone chugging ’round the bend / jumped the track.
Lives in La-la-land.
Lives in the same world, but a different universe.
Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum.
Long on dry wall, short on studs.
Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room.
Looks for the “Any” key.
Loose chip on the microprocessor board.
Loose wire to his headset/ringer.
Low on thinking gas.

The typical Internet user receives an average of 17,000 email messages per year. Of this total, an average of one message actually contains useful information (it says: 'Disregard previous email'). The rest are porno ads, investment opportunities for morons ('Make Big Money Petting Kittens At Home!'), and jokes that were originally set in movable type by Johann Gutenberg. -Dave Barry
Technically, Windows is an 'operating system,' which means
that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that
it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop
operating. -Dave Barry
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree,
is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals.
We cause accidents. -Nathaniel Borenstein
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is more...

Men are like vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

Your momma is like a bowling ball. She gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and still comes back for more.
Your momma is like a vacuum. She sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet afterwards.

Laloo is convicted in the fodder case and the courts decide that all his property belongs to the state. He is left with nothing and is going around looking for a job. Eureka Forbes (the vacuum cleaner company) gives him a job as a vacuum cleaner saleman. Laloo decides to do well on his first day itself. He goes to the first house in his territory.
He knocks, a lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, Laloo runs inside and dumps gobar (cow dung) all over the floor and the sofa.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up that gobar right now, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She replies, "You want salt and pepper on that? We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."

A British dwarf's penis got stuck in a hoover vacuum cleaner attachment. How could this happen? Well, this sketch comedian's act includes a bit where he comes on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his most private part. Unfortunately, the attachment broke just minutes before he went on and had to be repaired with super glue. Looks like it is important to let super glue dry.