Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...
1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.
Two nuns are traveling through Tansylvania in their car. They get stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield!
"Quick, quick!!" shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination," shouts the second.
She switches them on, knocking the vampire about, but he clings on and hisses even more loudly!
"What'll I do now?", shouts the first nun.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican!" says the second.
The vampire steams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.
"Now what?" screams the first nun.
"Show him your cross!" says the second.
So the nun rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY FUCKING HOOD!!"
What does Dracula say to his victims? Its been nice gnawing you.
Why does Dracula have no friends? Because hes a pain in the neck.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Vampire!
Vampire who?
Vampire state building!
Where is Draculas American office? The Vampire State Building.