Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is the vampires favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously.
One evening two vampire bats were hanging out in their cave. One said, "Man, I'm starving! I need to get some blood!" And he flew out of the cave.
He returned about three hours later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"Where'd you get the blood?" the other bat
asked.
"Well, you fly out of the cave, and you see the first tree on the left?"
"Yes," the other bat replied.
"Well, I didn't."
Two men were having a drink together. One said, "Id rather live with a vampire than with my wife." "Whys that?" asked the other. "Because shes always trying to bite my head off," he replied.
What haunts the closets of a haunted house?
The SOULS of shoes!
What's a ghosts favourite dessert?
I-scream!
What was the ghosts favorite baseball team?
The BOO Jays!
What room is a ghost not allowed to go inside?
The Living room
Why didn't the vampire have fun on his vacation?
He SUCKED all the fun out of it!
If a snow man and a vampire got married and they had a baby what would the baby be?
A Snowvam!
Where do monsters love to visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Why did the vampire's friend break up with him?
Because he was a pain in the neck!
Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
What kind of street do zombies like best?
Dead ends!
What is a vampire's favourite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel!
How do vampire football players get the mud off? They all get in the bat-tub.
It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.
At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."
"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.
"Thanks," he says, and leaves.
An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."
"Okay," the bartender says and more...