Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A. A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: Once launched, they can't be recalled.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: When they land, they prevent anything from functioning for the next hundred years.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
“OK, follow me, ” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
“Now, do you see that tree over there? ” he asked.
“YES, YES, YES!! ” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
“Good! ” said the first bat, “Because I f***ing didn’t! ”
One vampire to the other: " Lets go and have a drink. I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner"!
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in.
OK, follow me, he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a huge forest.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him tongues hanging out for blood.
"Do you see that large oak tree over there?" he asked. "YES, YES, YES!!!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I fucking didn't"
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.
What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...