Vegas Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man claims he shipped himself from New York to Las Vegas via UPS. UPS said they would not comment until between 2pm and 4pm, or tomorrow after 10am.

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas,
but there are more Catholic churches than casinos there.
Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to sort the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Fransiscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

Las Vegas means "the meadows" in Spanish.

In Nevada, there are more than 209,000 slot machines normally operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The first neon sign appeared in Las Vegas in 1954 at the Boulder Club.

The bell is the oldest symbol still used on today's slot machines.

The average annual temperature in Las Vegas is 66 degrees.

It would take 288 years for one person to spend one night in every hotel room in Las Vegas.

Shrimp consumption in Las Vegas is more than 60,000 pounds a day. That's higher than the rest of the country combined and adds up to 22 million pounds per year.

The Stardust was the first hotel in Vegas to add a sports book to its casino.

Nickel slots on the Strip pay back anywhere from 86.9 percent to 92.8 percent of what they take in.

Las Vegas casinos never use dice with rounded corners.

It's estimated that every day Las Vegas casinos more...

A
man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing
a suitcase. He says,"What are you doing?" She
answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes
there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for
free!"
Later that night on her way out the wife walks
into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his
suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he
replies... "I'm going to Vegas too. I want
to see you live on $800 a year!"

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you
going?" he asked.
"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men
that will pay me $400 to do what I do for you for free!"
The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags.
"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.
"Going to Las Vegas
with you... I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casinoand finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."His wife say, "Thats wonderful. What should I pack for... Europe, the Carribean?"He says, "I dont care, just be gone when I get home."

While on a personal visit to Las Vegas, Laloo wanted to talk to his wife, but was afraid to disturb her. So he picked up the phone and asked the long-distance telephone operator,' Could you please tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Vegas.'
Operator:' Just a minute, sir. ..' Laloo:' Thank you,' and put the phone down.