Vegetable Jokes

ALL DIET FAQ's answered...
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a kabab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Its only the misconception, that narrow minded people have. So, Bottoms up!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good more...

What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.

What's a fresh vegetable? One that insults a farmer.

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.And Satan brought forth more...

In the beginning, God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and
spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and
Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the
99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want
fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her
figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and
olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed
its own platter.
And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the
roof.
And God more...