Vending Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Blonde works at a supemarket where she one day discovered a Vending machine, now she didnt know what it was and it looked so interesting she wanted to try it out. Now on the vending machine it said "ENTER 50 CENTS"
So she did so, and pressed about all the buttons and a coke came out, she was so amazed she continued putting 50 cents in it, until a guy behind her (after 5-10 min. of waiting) said "Excuse me but there are other people who would like to use the machine too" So she turned around looked at him in a mad/blank face and said "Jeeze are you that dumb cant you see I am winning"

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Wonder which head?)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the country side and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. .. Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England -- but only in
tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman more...

After many unhappy replies from our current vending service we decided that what they really needed was a different form letter that was more closely tied to their true feeling:ABC Vending ServiceThank you for your (inquiry / comments / complaints) about our vending service.___ We are aware that _____________ machine
has not been stocked in _____ days.
__ We are waiting for the weekend.
__ We are out of items that have expired.
__ We're busy, don't bother us about this.
__ We don't care.___ We are aware that the price for _______
seems high at $_______ but,
__ we have to make a living.
__ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age.
__ we charge others more.
__ we adjust it to allow for spoilage.___ We are aware that
__ the sodas are warm
__ the milk is curdled
__ sandwiches are stale
__ gum is hard
__ candy bars are petrified
and assure you that that is
the way it is supposed to be, really.___ We more...

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he more...

Caught in the Act or Lack of Common Sense
Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending
machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they
spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his
$400 bail in coins.
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City Florida for robbery of a
Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was
not plugged in.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned
him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food
order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly
knocking out an armored car more...