Version Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Gates was in India a few days ago.
He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows2000
version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms
that may be used in the Hindi version of...
Windows 2000: Khirkiyan 2000
File - Phaail
Save - Bachao
Save as - Aise Bachao
Save All - Subko Bachao
Help - Mujhe Bachao
Select - Chuno
Select All - Sab Chuno
Find - Dhoondo
Find Again - Firse Dhoondo
Move - Hilao
Mail - Dak
Mailer - Dakiya
Zoom - Paas se dhekho
Zoom Out - Dhoor se dhekho
Open - Kholo
Close - Band Karo
New - Naya
Replace - Badli Karo
Run - Bhaago
Print - Chaapo
Print Preview - Dekh Ke Chaapo
Copy - Teepo
Cut - Kaato
Paste - Chipkao
Paste Special - Jayada Chipkao
Delete - Dho dalo
View - Nazaara
Tools - Auzaar
Toolbar - Auzaar ka dabba
Spreadsheet - Khuli Chaadar
Database - Bahi more...
Experiencing problems with his computer, an incognizant user called technical support for assistance...
Technician: Good morning. How may I help you?
Customer: There's smoke coming from my computer's power supply.
Technician: Sounds like you need a new power supply.
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. It needs to be replaced.
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just have to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command.
For the next several minutes, despite the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...
Technician: I'm sorry. Normally we don't tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
Customer: Aha! I knew it!
Technician: Add the more...
The Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs do not
work:
20. That's weird...
19. It's never done that before.
18. It worked yesterday.
17. How is that possible?
16. It must be a hardware problem.
15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
14. There is something funky in your data.
13. I haven't touched that module in weeks!
12. You must have the wrong version.
11. It's just some unlucky coincidence.
10. I can't test everything!
9. THIS can't be the source of THAT.
8. It works, but it hasn't been tested.
7. Somebody must have changed my code.
6. Did you check for a virus on your system?
5. Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. You can't use that version on your system.
3. Why do you want to do it that way?
2. Where were you when the program blew up?
And the number one reply by programmers when their programs
don't work:
1. It works on my more...
The Bill Clinton version: "My Favorite Things" (From "The Sound of Music")
Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and French fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie spring,
These are a few of my favorite things
Susan McDougal and Gennifer Flowers,
Horny young interns who while 'way the hours,
Profits from futures that Hillary brings,
These are a few of my favorite things
Beating the draft board and getting elected,
Naming to judgeships some hacks I've selected,
Conspiracy theories that blame the right wing,
These are a few of my favorite things
Golfing with Vernon and suborning perjury,
Falling down drunk that required knee surgery
Stars in the White House who come here to sing,
These are a few of my favorite things
Meeting with Boris and Helmut and Tony,
States of the Union with lots of baloney,
Winning debates and the joy of my more...
Her version: 'Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't
matter now, I already started talking. Jane came over, while I was having a cup of coffee. I didn't even sugar the coffee. By the way did you notice that I lost 10 pounds? No, you didn't notice, you never notice. Anyway she came over and wore an ARTIFICIAL wig. I mean isn't that awful? An ARTIFICIAL wig? I mean her husband could buy a real one with his money, but I didn't say anything, it's none of my business. I asked her how much weight she lost and she said she lost 20 pounds. Yea, right like I can see, I have eyes you know. Oh did I say why I asked her that? Because we follow the same diet, and you don't know that. Well anyway we sat down and had a cup of coffee. His version: Jane came over for a cup of coffee.
Glossary Terms-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-Software Engineering Glossary of Product TerminologyNEW: Different colors from previous version.ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.The Dumpty Dictionary, Version 2.0
A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)
' Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.
My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal more...