Version Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. Who is the best Sri Lankan batsman on the current tour?
A. Muttiah Muralitharan
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. A Sri Lankan batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What is the main function of the Sri Lankan coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. What's the Sri Lankan version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't Sri Lankan fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What's the Sri Lankan version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.
Q. What do you call an Sri Lankan with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Sri Lankan
batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the Sri Lankan touring party?
A. The guy who removes the ball marks from the bats.
Q. Why did Nawaz more...
Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin,
vodka and bourbon.
Your best Christmas tradition involves fire and reindeer meat.
Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a
cheese log.
Your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael
Jackson.
You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers
away.
You get your Christmas tree from an empty lot, at night.... the day
after Christmas.
Your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by O. J. Simpson.
A Night Before Christmas Parody (Technical Version)'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion more...
The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought
"That URL was not found because frankly, I didn' try hard enough."
"If you continue to type that way, you'll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."
"The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed."
"Normally, I would complain but I'll let that rough disk insertion slide this time."
"Don't worry, I'll clean up that beer stain."
"Its not a virus... its a STD(System Transmitted Disease)."
"Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click."
"That General Protection Fault is not yours."
"You're using MS Word 5. 0 and that's a weenie version so why don't I upgrade you for free?"
"I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video... may I suggest more...
The Direct Approach Description: You just say it. Examples - 1. "I got my period today." (The simple version) 2. "I got my period today so we can't have sex tonight." (The "let there be no doubt" version) 3. "Honey, I'm bleeding." (The gross version) Benefits: Fast, simple, gets the message across. Amusing results can be achieved when the timing is right. Such as when you're in a public place or eating dinner. More amusing results can be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents. The best results, of course, will be achieved when you're eating dinner with his parents in a public place. Cautions: May freak out some men, if you're unsure about the nature of the relationship you're in but would rather not find out at this stage - go for an alternative approach. Sometimes best to keep until the last minute, like when he can't tell you to go home. Will give away the fact that you regard it as an issue (that is, if you regard it as an issue) more...
Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology:
NEW: Different colors from previous version.
ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the competition.
ADVANCED DESIGN: Upper management doesn't understand it.
NO MAINTENANCE: Impossible to fix.
BREAKTHROUGH: It finally booted on the first try.
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: Developed on a shoe-string budget.
UPGRADED: Did not work the first time.
UPGRADED AND IMPROVED: Did not work the second time.
Subject: Girlfriend 1.0
Dear Technical Support:
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I have been having some problems lately.
I have been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I have tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off.
I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn t have enough cache to run more...