Version Jokes / Recent Jokes
Read all the definitions when you've time... some are very funny...
When Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft came to Sri Lanka, he had Signed on an
agreement with Minister of posts and telecommunications Mangala Samaraweera
to release the Sihaleese Version of JANNEL 98 (WINDOWS' 98) by end of this
year 1999 Subsequently, they gave a demo on Sinhaleese Version of
WINDOWS'98 (SIN98) to the PRESS people.
The following interesting things (commands & messages) have been observed
from Sinhaleese Version of WINDOWS'98 demo.
File = Pile
Save = Beragannda
Save as = Mehama Beraganada
Save All = Okkoma Beraganada
Help = udhauv
Find = Hoyanda
Find Again = Ayith Hoyanda
Move = Aying venda
Mail = Thapal
Mailer = Piyum Mahaththaya
Zoom = loku koranda
Zoom Out = podi Karanda
Open = Arinda
Close = Whanda
New = aluuth
Old = Parana
Replace = Meka aran araka danada
Run = more...
My wife's version of money laundering is cleaning out my pockets every night while I am asleep.
Dateline, September 3, 2147
Minneapolis -- In a rare view of 20th century life, Cyber Archaeologist Ole Anderson of Minneapolis has discovered an extremely rare throwback to the 20th century: an ancient IP version 4 packet containing HTTP --the primitive method that early Internet builders used to transfer data in what predated our now familiar way of communications.
Anderson is convinced of the packet's authenticity since IP version 4 packets have not been seen on the global network in 115 years.
"When I discovered the packet", says Anderson, "I couldn't believe my eyes. It contained an IP version 4 header which at first I couldn't decipher. Amazingly, the the contents of the packet are in plain text which means that I didn't even have to break the primitive crypto algorithms they had in those days. The packet seems to be directed at what was termed a `web site' and an individual called
WINDOWS PROBLEM
I'm wondering if anybody can help me with a problem I'm having on my computer at work.
I recently upgraded to Windows 95 from Windows 3.14159, and I've noticed that whenever I'm running WordWanker Version 2.0.9.4 (which I upgraded from 1.8.4.7) in conjunction with FaxBuddy! Version 4.2.4.3.7857, everything works fine for about the first 25 minutes, but then if I try to type the passive plupefect subjunctive form of the verb "procreate" (or any of its slang equivalents) the keyboard locks up permanently and the hard drive makes a whimpering sound and all current data is erased, including data in computers several cubicles away. I have tried everything, including reformatting my hard drive and exorcism.
Please help!!!
REPLY TO: WINDOWS PROBLEM
I had exactly the same problem, and after a lot of trial and error I found out that if you click on the Windows Control Panel, then on Command Center, then on Reset Variables, then on Establish New more...
Windows Problem
I'm wondering if anybody can help me with a problem I'm having on my
computer at work. I recently upgraded to Windows 95 from Windows 3.1416,
and I've noticed that when I running WordWanker Version 2.0.9.4 (which I
upgraded from 1.8.4.7) in conjunction with FaxBuddy! Version
4.2.4.3.7857, everything works fine for about the first 25 minutes, but
then if I try to type a subordinating conjunction followed by any form of
the verb foment, the keyboard locks up permanently and the hard drive
makes a whimpering sound and all current data is erased, including data
in computers several cubicles away. I have tried everything, including
reformatting my hard drive and exorcism. Please help!
Reply To: Windows Problem
I had exactly the same problem, and after a lot of trial and error I
found out that if you click on the Windows Control Panel, then on Command
Center, then on Reset Variables, then on Establish New Parameters, more...
God's Human DNA CodeFor many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that verylittle of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function. I have solved the mystery. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that therest of it is comments. Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin asfollows: ===/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C) God */ /* Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy - * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from * elephant-dna.c * 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements - skin colour made * darker to match my own image. * more...
CLASSIC VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate are cold and starving. CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor more...