Vice Jokes / Recent Jokes
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT!
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively named "Administratium", had no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons, and 161 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 247. These 247 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to complete. Without the Administratium, the reaction occurred in less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually more...
The real interpretation of corportate titles:
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD: Leaps tall building in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Discusses policy with God
PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Walks on water if the sea is calm Talks with God
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with God if special request is approved
VICE PRESIDENT: Barely clears a Quonset hut Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occasionally addressed by God
GENERAL MANAGER: Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings Is run over by locomotive Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Dog paddles Talks to more...
Alaska governor Sarah Palin (the vice president nomination)reveals her history in this exclusive footage of her accepting therepublican committee's nomination to be interim vice president (untilMcCain's heart gives out).
Similarities between Nixon and Clinton
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Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed
Nixon: His biggest fear - the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear - a Cold Sore
Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns
Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton: Couldn't explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case
Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: same
Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One"
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, "He's the one!"
N? xon: Famous for his widow's peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot
Nixon: Took more...
"Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton":
Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Water Bed
Nixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold Sore
Nixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burns
Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geek
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her
Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcase
Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: No difference
Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President
Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say "He's the one"
Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak
Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot
Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with more...
New Chemical Element Discovered The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered byinvestigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentativelynamed administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomicnumber of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic massof 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves thecontinuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can bedetected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes onereaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normallyoccurred in less than a second.Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at whichtime it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in more...
US Vice President Richard Cheney will tour the Middle East later this month, the White House announced early Monday.
The Vice President said he was looking forward to quail hunting with Iranian President Ahmadinejad.