Village Jokes / Recent Jokes
Everyday when papers looking, I am very sad, They
are telling in Sri Lanka, English very bad, Is
this all a humbug mister, sometimes very true,
So I want to tell and give you, exactly what to do.
Olden times when we were children, in the village school,
Pappa tole muss learn the English, otherwise you fool,
Those days teachers taking trouble, taught the English well,
If I do not do the homework, they are playing the hell.
Nowadays have Shramadana, in the sun muss dig,
Other times too much torking, classes very big,
Principal is absent always, teachers putting part,
Boys are taking O/L, but only pass in art.
You must tell our Minister, soon to put a rule,
Give the English Education, nicely in the school,
Then the children will improve, learning very well you see,
Getting jobs and easy money, happy juss like me.
Now I am an English teach er, I can now enjoy,
So I am doing better job, than any more...
One tourist from U. S. A. asked a village kid: Any great man born in this
village???
village kid: no sir, only small Babies!!!
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot!
“You know Bill O’Reilly is in a little bit of trouble with the black folks. … He had dinner in Harlem with Al Sharpton - he must have lost a bet - and he discovered that black people use utensils when they eat. He said he was shocked and delighted to see there was no difference between a black-owned restaurant and a white-owned restaurant. Which is true, because apparently, they both serve crackers” –Bill Maher
“Last week during a speech to the NRA, Rudy Giuliani was interrupted by a cell phone call, which he stopped his speech to answer. Giuliani then told the audience, ‘That was my wife reminding me to pick up some milk at the 9-Eleven’” –Seth Meyers
“The Democrats had a very big week this week. They tacked a hate crimes bill onto the war spending bill. … Apparently, attacks on gays, they said, is also actually terrorism. I don’t have time to explain how this bill works, but next year, General Petraeus will be eligible for a Tony. ” –Bill more...
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion so its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide.
Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood- curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
A Story to tell your children……..
Once upon a time, in the Valley of Silicon, the two-headed Wizard of Apples went for a walk. The two heads, both of which were named Steve, looked around, and spied a beautiful PARC.
“This is truly a beautiful PARC! ” Steve exclaimed.
“Yes, it is, ” agreed Steve. “It is very graphical. And do you see how happy the mice are? ” For indeed, the joyful rodents scampered about, running in and out of windows, around icons, and leaping over the garbage cans.
“Do you think we could make a PARC as beautiful as this? ” Steve asked.
“Nay, ” said Steve. “Not a PARC, but perhaps we can let this inspire us to build a woman. And we could call her… Gertrude. ”
And so they fashioned their woman, but instead of Gertrude, they called her Lisa. And she, too, was nice to mice. But alas, the User rejected Lisa, for it was said her price was too high.
“But this will never do, ” the User cried. “Do you more...