Village Jokes / Recent Jokes

One evening Hodja said to his wife: Tomorrow, if the weather is good, I will plough the field.& If it rains, I will gather firewood from the forest. Remember to say "God@ Willing," his wife reminded him. "Why?" said Hodja rather defiantly. "Either it will be sunny and I, will plough or it will rain.& & I have decided what to do in either case." The next day the sun was shining brightly.& Hodja set off to plow his field. On the way he met a group of soldiers. "Hey, old man, how do we get to the next village? Impatient to get to his work he lied, "Don`t ask me. I don`t know." The soldiers said, "Well let`s see if we can help you remember." And they started threatening him with their clubs. "Now I remember!" screeched Hodja. "Then take us there!" The village was far away.& On the way, it began to rain. By the time thev had arrived at their destination, Hodja was muddy, soaked and sore. Then he turned around and more...

Once at the time of the world war, the soldiers were looting all villages, of food, wine and women. Before they could enter one such village, the villagers decide to scoot, except for one young man, who had a 80-year-old grandmother. So the soldiers found the one occupied house and tore inside. "Bring us some food!" they demanded.
The young man said, "But I have only half a loaf of bread."
"War is War, bring us the food!"
So he gives his last morsel of food.
"Bring us some wine!"
"But I doubt if there is any in the house, you know how things are these days!"
"War is War, bring us the wine!"
So the young man manages half a bottle and gives it to them.
"Now, bring us a woman!"
"But everyone has left the village. The only female here is my 80 year old grandmother!!"
"War is War, bring her to us!"
The old woman is brought and she's so frail and weak that more...

KABINDA, ZAIRE-In a move IBM office are hailing as a major step in the
company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti,
a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem
yesterday to crush a nut.
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily
cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem. "I could not
crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory
nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was
able to break it."
Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking, 28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was
shooting a commercial in his southwestern Zaire village. During a break in
shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the
modem, which he believed would serve well as a "smashing" more...

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and good Christian ways. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!!
One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief says "You taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!"
The missionary replies says, "No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence - an albino. Look to the field. See a flock of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything about the more...

Young Ahmed Ben Bella loved all kinds of beans, and this understandably gave him embarrassing problems with flatulence. Out in the desert this did not matter - except to his camel, who sometimes dragged his nose in the sand after one of Ahmed Ben Bella's more worthy efforts. But, in his village Ahmed Ben Bella often brought shame upon himself and his family when he could not control himself.
One day Ahmed Ben Bella felt a mighty fart coming on. He was in the middle of the marketplace and made every effort to get through the great throng so as to not disgrace himself. But, as fate would have it, Ahmed Ben Bella's efforts were for naught. And, it was a mighty fart indeed: it blew over several of the shopkeepers stalls and dropped no fewer than three donkeys to their knees.
There was nothing to do but leave his home village in disgrace, and for fifty years Ahmed Ben Bella roamed the earth, hoping that the shame he had brought down upon himself would be forgotten. Finally, as an more...

There was a englishman, an scot and an irish man.
They were in the middle of the desert when their jeep broke down and they all decided to take one piece of the jeep each and so the englishman took the roof: the scot took the seat and the irishman took the door.
When they reach a village they reached a village they all told each other why they had brough each piece of the car, the englishman said he had brought the roof for shelter, the scot said that he had brought the seat to sit on when he was tried and the irishman said he had brought the door so ha could wind down the window when it got hot.

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.