Vinci Jokes

Researchers studying 3-D images of the "Mona Lisa" say she was probably either pregnant or had just given birth when she sat for Leonardo da Vinci's 16th-century masterpiece.
Paternity tests implicated this man:

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle"

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The' spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily. (This is frightening).

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into more...

In the international school of Ireland, there is a very patriotic history
teacher.
One day, the teacher asked his students, "Who is the most important man in
the history of the world?" He then offered 2 shillings to the student who
gets the right answer.
A French student stands up and says, "Napoleon was the most important man
in the history of the world."
The teacher looked at him and said, "Napoleon was a great man, no doubt,
but he wasn't the most important man, or the man I'm looking for. Sorry, no
shilling for ya."
Then, an Italian student stands up and says, "Leonardo da Vinci was the
most important man in the history of the world."
The teacher looked at him and said, "Leonardo da Vinci was a great man
also, no doubt, but he wasn't the most important man, or the man I'm
looking for. Sorry, no shilling for ya either."
Then, a Jewish student stands up, out of no where and more...

A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director to make one more movie.
The director grimaces, "But I retired years before I died. I'm tired of all the hassles involved in making movies."
"Listen," St. Peter explains, "We got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the movie."
"You're not listening to me," the director protested. "I don't want to make any more movies."
"But we got Leonardo da Vinci to do the set design for you," St. Peter exclaimed.
"I don't want to make any more movies!" the director insisted.
"Now look at this script," St Peter said. "We got William Shakespeare to write it for you."
"Well," said the director "a score by Beethoven, set design by da Vinci, a script by William Shakespeare... How can I go wrong? I'll do more...

Pakistan has banned "The Da Vinci Code."

"Jesus is considered a prophet in Islam," explained President Musharraf. "Plus, it's been weeks since I banned anything. I'm trying to get laid here, people."