Virgin Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion. The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin". The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies."

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old. She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the room.
Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, "I thought you had never been with a woman."
He replied, "That's true, but if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo, we're going to more...

Indeed, an award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being customer focused, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

Virgin Blue 737 (from Wikipedia)
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a Long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be NOW". The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone:
May more...

Redneck Billy Joe and Redneck Mary Sue are joined in holy matrimony.
They spend their wedding night at the Motel 6 Honeymoon Suite in Parthenon, Arkansas. They've abstained from the big deed until this very night.
Just as Billy Joe is about to make love to his new wife for the first time, she stops him. "Wait, Billy Joe. I just thought you should know..this ain't just our first time. It's my first time ever. I'm a virgin. I been savin' myself just for you."
"Whut you say, Mary Sue?"
"I said, I'm a virgin. One hunnert percent cherry. Just for you on our weddin' night."
"Yore a VIRGIN??" He asked somewhat shocked.
"That's right. Please be gentle."
"Gentle? Gentle my ass. I'm outta here!" With that, Billy Joe pulls up his pants, and leaves his virgin bride lying alone. He slams the door, gets in his pickup, and drives home.
"Paw! Paw! Wake up! Yore not gonna believe this!"
"Huh? more...

The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.

The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5.

The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin."

The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.

The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing.

The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another $5 bill.

Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin".

At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word more...

Was your wife a virgin when you married?"I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.

Where does Virgin wool come from?
Really, Really ugly sheep.