Visiting Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes agesture that the gorilla interprets as aninvitation. He grabs her yanks her over thefence and takes her to his nest in the pen.There he ravishhes her and makes passionatelove to her for about 2 hours till he istranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks" Are you hurt?" She replies. Of Course I'm hurt, He hasn'tcalled! He hasn't written!
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "Whats he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."
A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm whenone day he walks out behind the barn and sees hisgrandfather playing with himself. The boy says, "What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?" Grandpa replies, "No sonny, just jacking!"
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO WHEN:
Getting a really great parking spot can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in June is just visiting from Ohio.
A man walks on BART in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.
You curse those damn tourists - but always stop to help a cute person who is holding a city map, looking puzzled.
Each time you drive under an underpass, for one moment you think' earthquake.'
Your co-worker tells you s/he has eight body piercings - none are visible.
You take the bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
The guy who cuts your hair is straight, and your plumber is gay.
The woman who delivers your mail is straight, and your Mary Kay Lady is gay.
Old friends you haven't talked to in years suddenly call.' Do you have a spare bedroom for a weekend?'
You think anyone more...
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the popes authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it. The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is m ore important than the President?!"The more...
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what was the significance.
"Nothing,"she said with a smile."It, s just to keep the doctors away."
A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a
seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How
many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands."Well that's a good start. Out of
those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever
seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm
really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a
ghost?"
15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone
here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask
you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished.
He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years
I've been giving this lecture, no one has more...