Visitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy walks into a small town bar and orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender delivers his drink and shouts out to the bar patrons ''46!!'' Everyone starts to laugh- Again he shouts out ''39!!'' Now the patrons are getting even louder in laughing- Lastly, he shouts ''14!!'' Now, people are wiping tears from their eyes from all the laughing.
The visitor is curious, so he asks the bartender ''What is going on?''
The bartender says ''This is a small town, with small impressionable children, and so we had decided to put numbers to our naughty jokes rather than tell them in full''
The visitor is astounded ''Let me try!!'' he says- So he shouts ''46!!'' Nothing happens ''39!!'' Still nothing. ''14!!'' and yet still not a sound from the patrons.
The visitor says to the bartender ''I don't understand. I used exactly the same numbers you did and got a completely opposite response.
The bartender replied, ''Well, some folks can tell a joke... and some folks more...

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"

"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

Boy:"whats your pleasure, sir?"
Visitor:"i want to see your master."
Boy:"what's it about?"
Visitor:"there is a bill...."
Boy:"ah! he left yesterday for the country."
Visitor:"... which i have to pay him."
Boy:"but he returned this morning. please go in, sir."

Zoo visitor: Whats the new baby hippos name? Hippopotamus keeper: I dont know, he wont tell me.

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk. What's that for?, he asked." Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope. The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?" The Pope answered, "$2, 000 per minute." A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk." What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister. The visitor asked "How much is a call?" The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute." The astonsished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2, 000 per minute." The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."

A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink.
The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.
There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.
The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using"

Visitor: "Knock knock?"
Worker: "Who's there?"
Visitor: "Doughnut Man."
Worker: "Doughnut Man who?"
Visitor: "For the last time, do not (doughnut) bother me with your useless 'Knock-Knock' jokes!"
Worker: "But you started it!"