Visitor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk.
What's that for?, he asked.
"Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope.
The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?"
The Pope answered, "$2,000 per minute."
A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk.
"What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister.
The visitor asked "How much is a call?"
The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute."
The astonsished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute."
The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk.What's that for?, he asked."Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope.The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?"The Pope answered, "$2,000 per minute."A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk."What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister.The visitor asked "How much is a call?"The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute."The astonsished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute."The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."

A visitor was strolling along the coastal area one morning. During his walk he came upon a fellow, fishing pole clutched in his hands, sound asleep against the side of a huge coastal rock. Just then the pole began to jerk violently.
"Hey, there!" cried the visitor as he roused the fisherman. "Look out there! You have a bite."
"So I do," yawned the drowsy one glancing out at the water. "If you don't mind, will you pull in the line for me?"
The visitor, somewhat surprised, did as he was requested.
"Now, mister," continued the fisherman, "put some fresh bait on the hook and cast the line out for me."
Again the visitor complied. After doing so he turned to the lazy angler. "You know," he declared, "anyone as lazy as you ought to get married and have a son to do these things for him."
"That's a good idea," beamed the fisherman. "Know where I could find a pregnant more...

A young lawyer, starting out on his own, had just set up his office. He wanted to impress his potential clients, so when he saw his first visitor come through the door, he picked up the phone right away. "Sorry," he said into the phone, "but I'm extremely busy right now. The cases I have are keeping me overworked as it is. I'll tell you what, give me a couple of weeks and I'll get back to you."

Then the lawyer hung up the phone and, pretending he had just noticed the visitor, asked "What can I do for you?"

"For me?" replied the man, "Nothing. I just came here to hook up your phone."

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
“Your workers, they’re escaping! ” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them. ”
“Don’t worry, they’ll be back, ” says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order? ”
“Forget the machines, ” says the visitor. “How much do you want for that whistle? ”

There was a young boy with no ears and there was a visitor coming to his house so his mother said to the visitor (quietly) "dont say anything to him about his ears" so the man said "ok" he said hello to the boy and also said they are 2 fine legs you have, then he said they are 2 fine arms you have so after a while he said they are 2 fine eyes you have but what ever you do make sure you look after them because i dont know how you will manage if you have to get glasses.

Visitor: And how old are you, Raj? Raj: Nine. Visitor: And what are you going to be? Raj: Ten.