Waitress Jokes / Recent Jokes

The 5 Levels of Drinking
Level 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have
work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your unemployed
friends. Here at level I you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly. Why, as long as I
get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."
Level 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against
artificial tuff. You get up to leave again, but at level
2, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with
my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long
as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers), I'm
COOl."
Level 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes
arguing for artificial tuff. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most more...

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

A man and his wife were driving their RV across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings him his meal. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, exclaiming, "Waitress! There's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what's going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen where the cook is, and to the man's demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. The distraught customer says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make donuts."

A customer ordered some coffee in a cafe. The waitress arrived with the coffee and placed it on the table.
After a few moments, the customer called for the waitress "Waitress," he said, "there's dirt in my coffee!".

"That's not surprising, sir, replied the waitress, "It was ground only half an hour ago."

The Top 16 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortunes

16'What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?'

15'Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.'

14'Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.'

13'It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.'

12'You will meet a tall, dark man, not a stranger, who will kill you. He will kill Ron also.'

11'This coupon good for free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.'

10'Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan.'

9'Spouse mad at you. No get special' wonton pork' tonight, Chester.'

8'Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids.'

7'A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.'

6'An 87 year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let's see you add' ...between the sheets' to that one, smart guy.'

5'Man who look to more...