Waitress Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their
waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly
noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the
table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled,
apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table
and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just
slid under the table.

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied, "No he didn't. He just
walked in the door."

A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself. Soon, the waitress came over to take his order.

".. . and to drink?" she asked.

The man said he would like coffee. The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table.

"Oh my God! I am so sorry!"

"That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin, "But tell me, is this regular or decaf?"

"Regular," she replied.

"Oh great, now this thing is going to be up all night!"

There was an foreign man who knew a little english and lived in a hotel. One day he told the waitress "I wanta fuck" the waitress said "what!!!" I wanta fuck, I wanta fuck on the table." The waitress answered and said "you better not you son of a bitch" so the waitress left mad and never gave him a fork. The next day he went to the manager and said "I wanta shit" the manager said "what!!!" "I wanta shit, I wanta shit on my bed" the manager answered "you better not you son of a bitch" and he never got the sheet he wanted.

A North Carolina waitress was fired for complaining on Facebook about a small tip she received. A lesson to all servers who like to post online complaints: write them where they’ll never be seen - on MySpace.

There were three guys at a cafe, drinking their coffee - an American guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy. They see a really attractive waitress and comment on her good looks. They make a bet on who can get her to go out with them first. The waitress overhears them, so she goes up to them and says, "Hey, I heard you talking about me. Well, I like an intelligent guy, so let's see who can make the best sentence using the words' liver' and' cheese'." So the American guy goes, "That's easy. I love liver and I hate cheese." The waitress shakes her heard in disgust. The black guy goes, "Well, I hate liver and I love cheese." The waitress is like, "That is so stupid. That's essentially the same thing!" Then the Chinese guy steps up and puts his arm around the waitress' waist. "Liver alone, cheese mine!"

Nevada’s governor’s race took a scandalous turn this week when a cocktail waitress accused a candidate, Rep. Jim Gibbons, of trying to sexually assault her in a parking garage in Las Vegas.
Gibbons responded immediately by announcing he was gay, abused as a child and an alcoholic. When that didn’t work, he accused the waitress of harboring weapons of mass destruction.

LEVEL 1: It’s 11: 00 on a weeknight, you’ve had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, “Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 2: It’s midnight. You’ve had a few more beers. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you’re thinking, “Hey! I’m out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You’ve abandoned beer for tequila. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you’re thinking, “Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! ” At level three, you love the more...