Wake Jokes / Recent Jokes
You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another oldman sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's theproblem?" The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I'vegot this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do ismake love from the moment I walk in the door till the momentwe go to sleep and then when we wake up again." "So, what the hell is the problem?" "Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"
Confucius say... Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Woman who ride bicycle in city pedal ass all over town. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down. Man with atletic finger make broad jump. more...
Once a couple had one of their usual quarrels; as a consequence of which, all conversation between them stopped. Unfortunately the husband was to attend his office very early the next morning. So he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me up at 6 a. m. tomorrow morning," and kept it beside his wife's pillow.
His wife read it and went to sleep.
He woke up very late the next morning and got very angry. He looked ferociously at his wife, but she calmly pointed towards his pillow. Under his pillow he found a piece of paper. On it was written, "Please wake up, it is 6 o'clock now."
At one time, margarine was illegal. While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license. It is illegal to kiss on a train. It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep.It is illegal to cut a woman's hair. You must manually flush all urinals in a building. Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons. Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has. As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned. State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese. La Crosse: It is illegal to tie up your horse along Third Street (Now a major bar strip).La Crosse: It is illegal to display an unclothed mannequin in a store window. La Crosse: It is illegal to play checkers in public. La Crosse: You cannot "worry a squirrel." Milwaukee: An old ordinance forbids parking for over two hours unless more...
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, It`s time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don`t want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don`t want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that`s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." "Well, for one, you`re 52 years old. And for another, you`re the Principal!"
* Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.* Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.* Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.* Dogs shed, cats shred.* I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?* No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.* I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.* Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.* We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?* Women and cats will do as they please...men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.* In order to keep a more...