Wake Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Day Mom Get In To The Child Room To Wake Her Up. She Said "Wake Up It's Time To Go To School". She Said "Mom I Am Very
Tired, Let Me Sleep". Her Mom Said "But U Have Slept For Four Hours!". She Said "I Have Raced 110 Meters With 10 Friends In My
Dreams!
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
Q: How many Wake Forest students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.
Man walking through airport door sideways going to Bangkok. Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Man who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard. Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Man with athletic finger make broad jump. He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab. Man who speaks with more...
To my dear wife,
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often.
We will wake the children... 17 times It's too late... 15 times I'm too tired... 5 times It's too early... 52 times It's too hot... 15 times Pretending to be asleep... 49 times Window open the neighbours will hear... 9 times Backache... 2 times Headache... 16 times Sunburnt... 10 times Your mother will hear us... 6 times Not in the mood... 21 times Will wake the baby... 17 times Watching the late TV show... 7 times Too sore... 9 times New hairdo... 4 times Wrong time of the month... 4 times You had to go to the toilet... 9 times
On the 36 occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because 6 times you just lay there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I more...