Wake Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man had an important appointment and had to be at the airport in time. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5: 00 A. M. ”. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9: 00 A. M., and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bed…. it said… “It is 5. 00 A. M., wake up! ”
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him up at 5: 00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5: 00 AM. " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9: 00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5: 00 AM, Wake up."
The Perfect Day According To:
HER
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30 Light breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
HIM
10:00 Wake up
10:02 Oral sex
10:10 Big Breakfast
11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
2:15 Enormous lunch
3:15 Oral sex
3:25 Play sports with the guys
4:30 Drink beer with the guys
6:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:40 Oral sex
6:50 Huge dinner, more beer
11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex
11:10 Sleep
The Perfect Day According To:HER8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses9:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale9:30 Light breakfast11:00 Sunbathe12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe1:45 Shopping2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs3:00 Facial, massage, nap7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing10:00 Make love11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong armsHIM10:00 Wake up10:02 Oral sex10:10 Big Breakfast11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters2:15 Enormous lunch3:15 Oral sex3:25 Play sports with the guys4:30 Drink beer with the guys6:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer6:40 Oral sex6:50 Huge dinner, more beer11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex11:10 Sleep
On a bus station, an old lady got into a bus and said to the driver,
"Sonny boy, I think I'm going to fall asleep during this long bus ride.
Can you wake me up when we get to New York?" The Driver replied, "Sure
thing." But later he forgot all about the old lady and only when he went 3
hours past New york he remembered that he had to wake her up. He felt
really sorry for the old lady so he decided to go all the way back to New
York and wake up the old lady and pretend like nothing happend. Even when
all the other passengers disagreed the driver didn't change his mind.
Finally when they got to New York. He woke up the old lady and the old
lady got up, looked inside her bag, took out a pill and ate it. Then she
said, "Thank you sonny boy! I always forget to take my medication in
time!" and went back to sleep again.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"
"Well," Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by more...