Wal-mart Jokes / Recent Jokes
Wal-Mart has introduced a line of caskets for sale in itsonline store. To better serve thetypical Wal-Mart consumer, they’ll offer three sizes – large, extra-large and“We’ll have to remove a wall.”
Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Jake the Wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I told her that I probably shouldn't have because, although I'd lost 50 pounds, I ended up in the hospital and I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food was nutritionally complete.
I then told her that I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in more...
Democratic Presidential candidate, Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. of Delaware, has attacked Wal-Mart on his campaign trail for their low wages and health care benefits. He has been quoted as saying, "They talk about paying them $10 an hour. That's true. How can you live a middle-class life on that?" A representative from Wal-Mart responded, "By shopping at Wal-Mart."
I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Here are the similarities I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices.
Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors
Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours
Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when they retire
Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone
Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers
Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint
Heaven: motto - EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: motto - EDLP = Every day low prices
Heaven: Sam Walton - now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola - now on sale!
Wal-Mart greeters trained to say “Happy Holidays” are feeling threatened. In incidents across at least 6 states, Wal-Mart workers have been harassed on smoke breaks or chased to their cars at the end of a shift by individuals calling themselves Christmen. Waving a Bible, the men shout, “It’s Christmas! It’s Christmas. Christ belongs in Wal-Mart, too.”
I consider Wal-Mart to be God's gift to shoppers. Literally, here are the similitudes I have noticed between the kingdom of Heaven and the Kingdom of Everyday Low Prices. Heaven: St. Peter greets you at the gates
Wal-Mart: Some old geezer named Peter greets you at the automatic doors Heaven: Eternal
Wal-Mart: Open 24 hours Heaven: Where old people go when they expire
Wal-Mart: Where old people go when the retire Heaven: Plenty of Room for everyone who loves God
Wal-Mart: Plenty of Parking for Everyone Heaven: Golden-haired angels shouting the glory of God
Wal Mart: Purple-haired obese women shouting for a price check on diapers Heaven: Salvation and redemption no matter what your sin
Wal-Mart: Full money refund on no matter what your complaint Heaven: EDLP = Every Do-gooder lives peacefully
Wal-Mart: EDLP = Every day low prices Heaven: Sam Walton - now a resident!
Wal-Mart: Sam's choice cola - now on sale!
What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?
They both have little boys" underwear half-off!