Walk Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy goes in a bar and gets really drunk and starts to walk home. Every 2 steps he falls.
So he is 2 steps away from his doorway and he falls in. Then he tries to walk up the stairs quietly and get in bed.
In the morning his wife gets up before him and says "Were you drinking lastnight?"
He asks, "how did you know?"
She says "you left your wheelchair at the bar"

One Point Dares:Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."
Don't use any punctuation.
Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen. Three Point Dares:Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
Every time you more...

Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."
The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"
The boy says, "Catch some chickens."
The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
The boy yells back, "Roll of duck tape."
The old man says, "What you gonna more...

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"

Confucius say....
* Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
* Man who run in front of car get tired.
* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
* Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
* Man with one chopstick go hungry.
* Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
* Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
* Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
* It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
* Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
* Man who stand on toilet is more...

Top Ten Signs That It's Going to be a Bad Shift
10. The previous shift tells you, "Things have been quiet."
9. You walk onto the floor and someone from the previous shift says, "Is it that time already?"
8. You run into the pharmacist at the elevator, he hands you a case of Prozac and says, "Here, this is for your floor."
7. Your phone rings 4 hours before your shift and they beg you to come in early.
6. After giving report, the nurse yells from the elevator, "Oh, by the way, they're' pleasantly confused'."
5. While driving to work, every radio station is playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door".
4. As soon as you walk in, someone hands you scrubs and says, "Here, you'd better put these on."
3. You come in and find one of the previous shift nurses openly weeping at the nurse's station.
2. The nurse about to give you report looks up from her notes and asks, "How many R's in more...

Two guys, one with a Doberman and the other with a Chihuahua, were taking a walk. As they strolled down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and have something to drink."
The guy with the Chihuahua replied, "We can't go in there. We have our dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
"Sorry, buddy, no pets allowed," the bouncer at the door said.
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
"A Doberman?" the bouncer asked skeptically.
"Yes, they're using them now," the man replied. "They're actually quite good."
"Ok then, come on in," said the bouncer.
The guy with the Chihuahua decided he'd try it too, so he put on a pair of dark more...