Walk Jokes / Recent Jokes

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack." You answer the door before people knock. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House." You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to more...

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction. When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country, she called her husband and told him she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she could walk off any ill effect by the time she reached home. So she stopped at the diner, and before she knew it she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted.
Upon arriving more...

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll with their dogs. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.


As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend,


"Let's go over to that bar for a drink." The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."


The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."


They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."


The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Guide dog - I'm blind."


The bouncer said, "A Doberman?" The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."


The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."


The lady with the Chihuahua thought more...

Czermaine Greer, leader of the feminist movement, called on the law-giver Manu and chastised him for his discriminatory laws against women, "Can you give me one good reason for prescribing that women should walk ten paces behind men?" she demaned.
"Dearest kanya!" replied the sage "at first, women used to walk ahead of their men. Then incidents of bottom pinching became so rampant that I had to make new rules. I prescribed ten paces distance between the two to make women's posteriors beyond the reach of men. I did so not to discriminate against women but to protect them."
Ms. Greer, who had been in Italy before she came to see Manu, complimented Manu for his sagacity.

Your so narrow minded when you walk your earings knock together.

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent
that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet
and gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on."
So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months
later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived
in the country she called her husband and told him that she would
be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small
diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk
off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of more...

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I`ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure…go ahead."

Man asks the dog, "What covers a house?" Dog says, "Roof!"

Man asks the dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" Dog says, "Rough!"

Man asks the dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" Dog says, "Ruth!"

Man says to the bartender, "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

Bartender throws both of them out the door.

Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the man and says, "Should I have said Gehrig, then?"