Wanker Jokes

Q.how do you confuse a wanker?
A.35

Dad decided it was time to help Joey learn to piss into the toilet instead of his little potty. He called Joey in and told him to stand by the john and watch as he demonstrated. "It's easier to remember if you do it by the numbers," Dad explained as he pulled his wanker out. "One: Pull the skin back like this," Dad explained and pulled his sking back showing Joey his red rosebud head. "Two: Piss into the toilet," Dad explained and let loose a hot stream of yellow piss. "Three: Shake it off," Dad explained and gave his wanker a couple of shakes. "Four: Pull the skin forward and you're through," Dad said as he pulled the skin over his smaller head. "Now, Joey, I'm going to step outside and you see what you remember," Dad said as he closed the door behind himself. Joey thought about it a minute and said: "One - four - one - four - one - four - one - four - - - - -

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Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...