Warm Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE ORIGINAL VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN CANADIAN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come the winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

The CBC shows up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned by the sharp contrast. How can it be that, in a country of such more...

What does Frosty the Snowman drink to stay warm?
Ice tea!

Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns were gathered around
her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip, so a nun went to the
kitchen to warm some milk. Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as
a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous
amount into the warm milk.
Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it,
she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. “Mother, Mother”
the nuns cried, “Give us some wisdom before you die! ” She raised
herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and pointing out the
window she said, “Don’t sell that cow!!! ”

Craig Donaldson, 17, of Glasgow, Scotland had a little too much time on his hands. One saturday morning in October of 1999 while his parents had left the house to go car shopping, Craig was overcome by the sort of sexual desire only a deprived 17 year old boy could have.

He decided that his usual "self service" material consisting of a back issue of Playboy was not enough and he had become very frustrated. Just then he remembered a story that his friend Jed had told him about a woman in a pornographic movie who had applied peanut butter to her genitals and allowed a trained dog to "clean" it off of her.

Probably thinking to himself, "mom and dad won't be home for hours!", Craig headed upstairs to the kitchen only stopping to let Max, the family's 4 year old doberman pinscher inside the house. Craig searched for some peanut butter but couldn't find any, in fact there was no fruit jam or margarine either.

However, Craig did more...

Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray this cushy life to keep
I pray for toys that look like mice
and warm cushions soft and nice
For grocery bags where I can hide
Just like a tiger croucched inside
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks
and someone nice to scratch my back
For window sills all warm and bright
for shadows to explore by night
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
and keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really run by cats.