Warned Jokes / Recent Jokes

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that. Bobby looked up and replied, Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.

Good advice
Jeremy warned his son against marrying a `shiksa.`
The son replied, "But she`s converting to Judaism."
"It doesn`t matter," Jeremy said, "a shiksa will cause problems."
After the wedding, Jeremy called the son, who was in business with him, and asked him why he was not at work.
"It`s Shabbos," the son replied.
Jeremy was surprised and said, "But we always work on Saturday. It`s our busiest day."
"I won`t work anymore on Saturday," the son insisted, "because my wife wants us to go to shul on Shabbos."
"See," Jeremy said, "I told you marrying a shiksa would cause problems."

The James Bond Award to a Japanese businessman who recently left Houston to take a new job in his native country. To friends and acquaintances, he supplied his new direct phone number, but warned, "The phone will only be activated when the caller says, 'You have a paint job' (9 to 5) or 'You have a golf game' (24 hours). I await your call."
The Plain English Award to Faroudja Inc. The Silicon Valley company announced two new processors in a news release that told us: "A new YPrPb output allows the DVP3000 and DVP3000U to connect to the growing number of entry-level HDTV-ready sets in which an RGB output may not be compatible. New direct access infrared control software optimizes the models for use in theater or A/V installations employing IR-based control systems. RS232 serial computer control is also included."
Our Stupid Lawyer Trick Award to the attorneys for the Galleria. In a letter castigating me for my use of the term "the Galleria area" more...

A farmer had a large farm with al sorts of animals
he also had a parrot who screwed all the animals on the farm
the farmer continuously warned him to stop, told him too much is bad for ones health
the parrot didn't listen.
one day the farmer came into the house and found the parrot lying on the floor and groaning as if in pain
the farmer said, I warned you.
the parrot said ssshhhh I am trying to screw an ant here.

What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York? Pigpockets.