Warren Jokes

Warren Buffett's annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders, mailed to them today, contains the usual mixture of anecdotes, jokes, admissions of mistakes and wisdom. Buffett says that companies looking at takeovers should beware of what sellers tell them; to illustrate, he tells this tale.
A man says to a veterinarian: "Can you help me? Sometimes my horse walks just fine and sometimes he limps."
Replies the vet: "No problem. When he's walking fine, sell him." (Warren Buffett is a famous US investor; probably the most successful investor of all time)
-- from Adam Starchild
via

According to Computing, quoting (of all things) Ladies Home Journal:
Bill Gates was being treated to a McDonald's by billionaire investor Warren Buffett during a 1995 visit to Beijing.
At the cashier's, the pair scrabbled around and both produced money-off vouchers they'd brought with them.

DANGER: new viruses discovered!:
Congressional Virus v
2.0: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Tipper Gore Virus: When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.
Government Ecomomist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.
David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.
Texas Virus: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.
Adam And Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer more...

DANGER: new viruses discovered!:Congressional Virus v2.0: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.Tipper Gore Virus: When you attempt to play any sound file, it pops up a warning window stating that some lyrics may be unsuitable for children.Government Ecomomist Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.Warren Commission Virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.David Duke Virus: Makes your screen go completely white.Pat Buchanan Virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.Texas Virus: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file.Adam And Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.Warren Beatty Virus: Constantly tries to prove it's virility by attaching itself to younger or newer files.Airline Virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in more...

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? ***** Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. .. it's how drunk you get. ***** Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. ***** It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. ***** Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal. ***** Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was never a stripper! Homer: Oh, now who's being naive? ***** Homer: But every time I more...